Field Notes to My Daughter

Yesterday she came to me with a dilemma. After having a fight with her friend concerning a school project they were working on, my daughter messaged her an apology but hadn’t received a response back.  Instead of moving past their disagreement, this friend continued to say unkind things behind her back. Now my daughter was feeling angry and wanted to quit speaking to the friend in question altogether.

As I thought about her situation I realized she was grappling with one of the hardest parts of being human: remaining true to our highest self when feeling entitled to act harshly.  This is not a circumstance that ever goes away.  It’s one that we find ongoing within our relationships with our friends, partner, children, and even within ourselves.

The lesson hidden therein is at once hard-won and ever evolving.  Perhaps it’s best rendered with the question,  “What kind of person do you aspire to be?” Once answered, follow through accordingly. Trust me, I know it’s difficult to let go of bitterness. You may be “right” to treat your betrayer harshly, but you aren’t obligated to do so.  So to my daughter, and all the daughters who may read this, I would urge you to make an empowering choice—proceed with kindness.  It may be the harder path to walk, but it has way better scenery.